Revilo Jokes

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I have had a co-worker, let’s say his name is Revilo, who used to make jokes almost out of anything. Unfortunately, he is leaving soon, and the thing that I am going to miss most about him is his jokes. He was the comedian of our team, and no matter what the situation was, he would always find a way or other to entertain us and cheer up our mood. Here are some of his jokes: let’s call them Revilo Jokes.

1. Job Family
Our company had rolled out a career progression plan for the employees of all disciplines. Career progression was supposed to happen according to the competencies and many other criteria mentioned in the job family. However, as it happens in every company, successions were still happening through inner connections and politics.

One day, while having a discussion about job family, Revilo remarked:

“What is the point of wasting time discussing job family? I can define it in one line.”

“Define.”

“If you are part of the family, you get something. If you are not part of the family, you get nothing. Therefore, don’t discuss job family requirements. Rather focus on how you can become a family member (whether it is through connection or whatever).”

2. Nothing is Easier than Taking Salary
One day, we were planning a complex job. One of our colleagues said, “Man, this is really going to be a difficult task.”

“Well, everything is difficult, except for taking salary,” said Revilo.

3. Competency Requirement: Need Married People
One day we were replacing a power cell of a Variable Frequency Drive. This drive has a very bad design, which makes cell replacement a sweating task. Especially difficult is fixing nuts and bolts through narrow passages, and some young fellas who were doing the job, were frequently dropping the nuts and bolts.

“Are you married?” asked Revilo.

“No.”

“Next time, I don’t wanna see any unmarried guy fixing these nuts and bolts.”

4. Be Near the Kitchen if You Want to Get the Food First
A girl was promoted in our company and everyone was surprised. Everyone believed that she did not possess the competency required for the position she was promoted to.

“Are you surprised?” Revilo asked me.

“Of course I am.”

“Where is her office?”

“Near our boss’ office.”

“So there is no surprise here. If you are near the kitchen, you will get the food first.”

5. User Friendly vs. Friendly User
One day someone came to me and asked for some help. After he left, Revilo warned me, “Beware of friendly users and do not be user friendly.”

According to Revilo, you will always find some people in any company who are opportunist, and they are the ‘friendly users’. When they need something, they will come to see you, and they will suddenly become very friendly with you. Needless to say, this sudden friendliness is fake and has selfish motives. Once you help them out, they immediately forget you, and they broadcast your help to them as their own accomplishment. Therefore, if you want to deny them, do not be a ‘user friendly’ person, like a user friendly software or interface. Otherwise, you will be used.

6. Innate Intellect
One day we were having a serious discussion about the existence of God.

“Science cannot explain many things. An example is innate intellect. For example, after a duckling is born, and if you give it grains, it starts eating. How does it understand that grain is its food? Another example is human babies. After they are born, they know how to suckle. No one has to teach them. Definitely they are born with an innate intellect and science cannot explain the source or beginning of this intellect.”

The discussion lost all its seriousness when Revilo answered, “I do not know about ducklings, but for human babies, they attain the innate intellect from their fathers while residing in their mothers’ bellies.”

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