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Revilo Jokes

no-jokes

I have had a co-worker, let’s say his name is Revilo, who used to make jokes almost out of anything. Unfortunately, he is leaving soon, and the thing that I am going to miss most about him is his jokes. He was the comedian of our team, and no matter what the situation was, he would always find a way or other to entertain us and cheer up our mood. Here are some of his jokes: let’s call them Revilo Jokes.

1. Job Family
Our company had rolled out a career progression plan for the employees of all disciplines. Career progression was supposed to happen according to the competencies and many other criteria mentioned in the job family. However, as it happens in every company, successions were still happening through inner connections and politics.

One day, while having a discussion about job family, Revilo remarked:

“What is the point of wasting time discussing job family? I can define it in one line.”

“Define.”

“If you are part of the family, you get something. If you are not part of the family, you get nothing. Therefore, don’t discuss job family requirements. Rather focus on how you can become a family member (whether it is through connection or whatever).”

2. Nothing is Easier than Taking Salary
One day, we were planning a complex job. One of our colleagues said, “Man, this is really going to be a difficult task.”

“Well, everything is difficult, except for taking salary,” said Revilo.

3. Competency Requirement: Need Married People
One day we were replacing a power cell of a Variable Frequency Drive. This drive has a very bad design, which makes cell replacement a sweating task. Especially difficult is fixing nuts and bolts through narrow passages, and some young fellas who were doing the job, were frequently dropping the nuts and bolts.

“Are you married?” asked Revilo.

“No.”

“Next time, I don’t wanna see any unmarried guy fixing these nuts and bolts.”

4. Be Near the Kitchen if You Want to Get the Food First
A girl was promoted in our company and everyone was surprised. Everyone believed that she did not possess the competency required for the position she was promoted to.

“Are you surprised?” Revilo asked me.

“Of course I am.”

“Where is her office?”

“Near our boss’ office.”

“So there is no surprise here. If you are near the kitchen, you will get the food first.”

5. User Friendly vs. Friendly User
One day someone came to me and asked for some help. After he left, Revilo warned me, “Beware of friendly users and do not be user friendly.”

According to Revilo, you will always find some people in any company who are opportunist, and they are the ‘friendly users’. When they need something, they will come to see you, and they will suddenly become very friendly with you. Needless to say, this sudden friendliness is fake and has selfish motives. Once you help them out, they immediately forget you, and they broadcast your help to them as their own accomplishment. Therefore, if you want to deny them, do not be a ‘user friendly’ person, like a user friendly software or interface. Otherwise, you will be used.

6. Innate Intellect
One day we were having a serious discussion about the existence of God.

“Science cannot explain many things. An example is innate intellect. For example, after a duckling is born, and if you give it grains, it starts eating. How does it understand that grain is its food? Another example is human babies. After they are born, they know how to suckle. No one has to teach them. Definitely they are born with an innate intellect and science cannot explain the source or beginning of this intellect.”

The discussion lost all its seriousness when Revilo answered, “I do not know about ducklings, but for human babies, they attain the innate intellect from their fathers while residing in their mothers’ bellies.”

Interview of a Hajj & Umrah Bus Driver

Syed Newaz driving our bus to Madinah.

I have always been fascinated about the hajj and umrah drivers’ ability to drive for more than 24 hours without any sleep, and about their ability to smoothly drive huge buses in the narrow streets of Makkah. Therefore, during my Ramadan 1433 umrah trip, I interviewed our bus driver to learn more about their lives. Here is the interview:

What is your name?
Syed Newaz.

Where are you from?
Pakistan.

How did you come into this profession? What do you used to do before you joined as a driver for hajj and umrah campaign?
I am in this profession of driving heavy vehicles for 25 years. I used to be a trailer driver. I drove trailer for ten years for a private company in Qatar. Then in 1997, I got an opportunity to bring a hajj campaign for the first time. I was very eager about hajj, and I am very grateful to Allah for that opportunity. After I successfully drove back that hajj campaign to Qatar, I was appointed as a full time driver for Al-Ali Hajj and Umrah Campaign. I have done 15 hajj so far and have lost count about the number of umrahs I have performed.

In the beginning when I used to drive for hajj, I would drive for 52 hours without any sleep in the middle and I would be the only driver of the bus. I would stop only for prayer and food.

Has it ever happened that you slept for a minute or a few seconds while driving?
No, it never happened in 15 years.

Mashallah, that is great. Has your bus ever broken down in the middle of a journey?
Yes, it happened once. On 27 July, 2000 we were about three hundred kilometers away from Riyadh when the engine of my bus broke down. We arranged a bus from Riyadh to transport the pilgrims. Later, my bus was taken to Riyadh and the engine was repaired there.

For my job, I have to go to Ras Laffan everyday and it is about 77 kilometers from my house. Initially the drive to Ras Laffan used to seem a very long travel for me. However, after driving there for several months when I become familiar with the road and its surrounding, 77 kilometers seem nothing to me now a days. Since you have been driving for hajj and umrah campaign for 15 years, does the road from Doha to Makkah also feel very short to you?  
My experience is opposite to yours. Definitely the route between Doha and Makkah is a long route, but in the beginning, I used to be so eager and so excited about hajj and umrah that my excitement and eagerness would make this distance seem very short to me. After so many years, however, I have got little bored and now I feel that the road is actually very long.

How many times normally in a month do you drive a campaign from Qatar to Saudi and from Saudi to Qatar?
On average three return journeys every month.

I have heard from people that there are tablets that long distance drivers take to remain awake and drive continuously. Does such tablet exist? If they do, do you take these tablets to remain awake while driving?
Yes, there are some tablets like that but they are not legal. Some long drivers who drive in Saudi Arabia take them. But I do not take them because they are harmful for health.

When people go for hajj and umrah, especially those who go for the first time, they feel very excited about seeing the House of Allah and visiting Mosque of the Messenger of Allah (S). As a bus driver, do you feel this excitement and joy of your passengers?
Definitely. I fully understand and share the excitement of my passengers. I get very excited when my passengers come and ask me questions like, “What will I have to do there?”, “When will we reach the miqaat?”, “How far are we away from such and such place?”, “What is our next stop?”, and I meticulously answer to each question. I enjoy my job.

Do you need a visa like us every time you enter the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia? Are you given some kind of special pass?
Yes, we need visa but drivers are given three months or six months multiple entry and multiple exit visas. Sometimes we also come with single entry and single exit one month visa.

Since you have been driving for so many years, what changes have you observed in the roads?
No change, except that a new road has been built to bypass the city of Hufof. Previously we had to go through Hufof but now we can bypass the city. Also the first five hundred kilometers of Madinah-Riyadh highway used to be single carriageway, but now it has been converted to dual carriageway.

However, roads are taken care of and maintenance is done year round.

How many times do you visit Pakistan each year?
I stay eight months in Qatar and four months in Pakistan. After hajj, I take my vacation.

Thanks for your time, Newaz Saab.
Thanks for interviewing me.

Lets take a walk..

r e a l i t i e s

Lets take a walk , like we used to… to nowhere. Holding hands and talking..discussing.. and defining nothing..but talking. Enjoying a conversation that has no meaning. Excited about the walk. The togetherness. Lets take that walk again… me and you.

A walk without purpose. A walk on a beach, a garden or a road. A walk during the day , evening or night. Lets take that walk again. Just you and me. Celebrating us. Celebrating our existence and meeting. That walk which in itself is pleasure. A walk so long and so far that many would get so tired, yet we do not tire nor do our legs feel pain. You look at me and express nonsense with joy , I smile at you and nod as if I understand. Then I tell you a story with so much excitement and you say “wow” , yet you did not hear…

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